Sexual Educations of the Angelic Kind
by PhantomHeartless5
Summary: Pit has faced many fearsome adversaries in his career, but a blind date set up by Palutena pits him against his most powerful opponent yet: The opposite sex. Follow Pit as he tries to unravel the mystery of life's most puzzling creatures while keeping his head and virginity intact. Rated M because it's Panty Anarchy, people!
1. Ch 1: A Match Made In Heaven?

**Hello fellow fanfic readers. I plan to write a novelization of Kid Icarus: Uprising (I beat the game), and this is one of a few Kid Icarus stories I'm writing to prepare myself for it. This is a story I've been thinking about for all you PitxPanty fans out there. Beware, the story contains strong sexual content and strong language. Put simply, if this story doesn't appeal to you, then do not read! Otherwise, read, review, and enjoy.**

**Disclamer: I own nothing.**

**Sexual Educations of the Angelic Kind**

"_How do I get myself into these situations?_" Pit mentally asked himself. He and Panty had been dating for a few weeks now. To say they were opposites didn't even begin to describe it. Panty's promiscuous reputation and perpetually foul mouth led most to wonder what did the angel ever saw in her. Maybe she reminded him of Viridi in a way. Maybe he thought he could change her somehow. Or maybe he was just used to tough girls. Either way the relationship seemed to be pretty good as Pit stuck by Panty despite her reputation and Panty apparently showed no signs of cheating on him, Something Stocking and Garterbelt considered nothing short of a miracle.

Recently, Panty wanted to take the relationship to the next level. Pit, having zero experience in this field, was extremely heisitant about it. But Panty assured him she would give him pointers. So after having a chat with Palutena, who gave him the okay, and Dark Pit, who _dared_ him to do it, he agreed. He had to learn about sex sometime, after all. So here he was at Panty's house, dressed in nothing but his laurel crown, a muscle shirt and shorts. He figured he didn't need to dress heavily for the occasion. As he sat on the bed twiddling his thumbs with a luminescent blush spread across his face. He couldn't help but think back as to how this all started.

* * *

"_Why does she always do this to me?_" Pit thought to himself as he stood outside the resturant. Palutena had the _wonderful_, or in Pit's view, horrible idea of setting him up on a blind date. Pit was opposed to this because he didn't know the first thing about dating someone. But Palutena insisted, stating that Pit should get out more. Pit, being the obediant servant he was, reluctantly agreed. He was dressed in a white tuxedo with his wings sticking out from the tuxedo jacket. He also had his laurel crown on and even combed and washed his hair. If he had to date someone, then he'd at least _try_ to enjoy it.

But there was still one pressing question on his mind: Just who _was_ his date? At first, Pit thought that it was Phosphora but Palutena said that it was no one he knew, which was odd because he knew a lot of people. The only two clues she gave him were that she'd be in a red dress and a warning to expect a lot of foul language. That made him slightly nervous as his date sounded a bit unpleasant. But Pit didn't dwell on it. Who knows, maybe she was like Viridi, tough on the outside and nice on the inside.

Pit wouldn't have to wait long because a few minutes later, he caught the sight of a girl walking towards him. She had a beige skin tone, spiky blond hair and brilliant blue eyes. She wore a short sleeveless red dress with matching heels, red hoop earrings, a golden necklace, and two golden bracelets on each wrist. This must be his date. Walking up to her with a smile, Pit said. "Hey there. My name's Pit. So I guess you're my date huh? What's your name?"

"Panty Anarchy." The girl said as she stared at Pit incredulously. She usually wasn't one for dating as long as the guy was handsome enough, but she was expecting her date to be a tall hunk. The guy in front of her looked like a kid, and what was with those wings? But her experience with men taught her that there was more to a guy than meets the eye. And he _did_ seem cute enough. "So we going in or what?"

"Sure." Pit said as he took Panty's hand and walked in. The waiter showed them to their table and gave them the menus. "So what're you ordering?"

"I'm having the salad and a bit of lemonade. Gotta keep this smokin' hot body in figure." Panty replied.

"I'm having the steak and some orange soda." Pit replied. He then told the waiter their orders and he left. Panty stared at Pit for a while, but eventually asked, "So, what's with the wings? You some kinda fucking cosplayer or something?"

"Cosplayer?" Pit replied. "Oh no, no, no. I'm pure 100% angel!" He shouted with a fist pump.

"Wait, you're a _real_ angel?" Panty asked as her eyes widened.

"Yep!" Pit said proudly, "Servant of the Goddess of Light."

"Well what do you know? I'm an angel too." Panty said with a smile.

"Really?" Pit asked.

"That's right. Better repent, motherfucker." Panty said as she made a gun gesture with her finger.

"So do you serve someone?"

"Yeah. My job's basically kicking ghost and demon ass. And I still manage to look sexy doing it."

"My job's basically the same." Pit replied. "My job is to protect the earth and heavens from those who seek their destruction. Like Hades and the Underworld Army."

"Who the fuck is that?"

"The God of the Underworld, and the biggest creep you'll ever meet."

"I've met tons of freaks, pervs, and shitheads. I think I can handle one more."

"Well, more power to you." Pit said with a chuckle. He then took a moment to stare at Panty before asking, "If you're an angel, then where's your wings?"

"I'm in human form."

"Oh. Well why didn't you fly here?"

"I can't fly dumbass."

"Oh. Me neither."

"Our food's here. Bout fucking time." Panty said as the waiter arrived with their food. Pit and Panty spent the rest of the evening silently eating. Afterwards, Pit ordered an ice cream sundae for dessert. He ate the thing so fast it gave him brain freeze. Once done, he handed the waiter the money and the two left the bar. "Say, why don't I fly you home?" Pit asked.

"It's not that far. I can walk by myself. And I thought you couldn't fly."

"Not by myself." Pit replied. "I need the Pegasus Wings to do that... which I happen to be wearing. Plus, as a trained soilder, I can't let a woman travel by herself at night."

"Wow, I'm dating a soilder boy." Panty chuckled. "Oh, what the hell."

With that settled, Pit scooped Panty up bridal style. "Now please keep all hands, feet, and the contents of your stomach inside at all times. And here we go!" At that moment, Pit's wings began glowing blue as he rose into the air. Panty gave a gasp of startled surprise. "Wow! Never thought I'd meet a man who could literally sweep me off my feet!" She shouted as they flew over the city. Eventually they got to Panty's house. "Thanks for the ride, cutie."

"Sure. It was nice to meet you." Pit replied with a slight blush. "But before you go, can you show me your angel form?"

Panty thought about this for a few moments and then said, "Why not? Try not to drool." Then in a flash of light, Panty's outfit changed right before Pit's eyes. The angel was now wearing an outfit consisting of golden winged Hermes-like heels, a puffy white skirt, a short white blouse, a golden collar, golden bracelets, white coverings on the backs of her hands and several golden rings. Two small white feathered wings were sticking out of her back. "What do you think? Sexy isn't it?"

"Wow..." Pit said as he stared at the angel before him. "But what do you use to fight ghosts?"

"Promise not to laugh?" She asked. Pit replied with a nod. Panty then did something unusual. She began to remove her panties, causing Pit to raise an eyebrow. His eyes widened when the panties then instantly turned into a gun. "Say hi to Backlace."

Pit couldn't really laugh because he was too busy staring at the panties-turned-weapon in her hand. He's used many strange weapons in his career, but _that..._ took the cake. "Can that thing even shoot?" Pit finally asked.

"Let's test it." She then pointed the gun and fired a shot. Pit gave a startled yelp before doging the bullet, causing it to graze his skin and cut through the tuxedo. "What the heck was that for?!"

"This thing can hurt angels and demons." Panty replied. "I was just testing to see if you're a real angel. But you've got some nice moves though. I wonder what else you're good at." She said with a lustful look.

Pit nervously chuckled in response. "Right... well I gotta go. Bye Panty." he said as he flew towards Skyworld.

"_Cute, polite, a bit of a prude. But I think I can change that. I might have some fun with that kid_." Panty thought to herself as she walked into the house.

* * *

**I can already tell this is going to be my weirdest story yet! Next chapter will be up soon.**


	2. Ch 2: A Heart to Heart with a Horny Ange

**Okay, here's the second chapter. Please read, review, and enjoy.**

"So, any of you girls dating yet?" Panty asked as she, Viridi, Phosphora, Pandora, Medusa, and Gaol sat around the table. It was their weekly girl's day off. Palutena usually shows up, but couldn't make it due to some business at Skyworld.

"I'm not into dating." Medusa said as she read a book.

"Me neither." Viridi chipped in.

"I'm more of a free spirit." Pandora said.

"What's the wait? There's only so many rides on the merry-go-round." Panty said teasingly.

"Uh, hello? We're goddesses. We've got all the time in the world for dating." Viridi said. "Besides, I didn't think you'd care much with your whole sex-with-no-strings policy."

"Can't a girl be curious?" Panty asked. Then she turned to look at Phosphora and Gaol. "What about you two?"

"Magnus and I are dating." Gaol said.

"He sounds hot." Panty said.

"I'll admit, he is. We've been friends since childhood. And _no_ we're not having sex."

"Hey, it's your life. You do what you want." Panty said as she turned to a slighly blushing Phosphora. "Come on Phosphora. I _know_ someone as sexy as you has to have a boyfriend."

"Well okay. I'm dating Dark Pit." Phosphora replied.

"Hey, I thought you had a crush on Pit." Viridi chimed in.

"Pit's cute and all, but Dark Pit's a bit sexier." Phosphora said.

"Who the fuck is Dark Pit?" Panty asked, interrupting the conversation.

"He's Pit's twin if you want to call it that." Medusa said.

"Pit's got a twin?"

"Hey, how do you know Pit?" Viridi asked.

"Oh, I didn't tell you? I went out with him on a date a week ago." Panty replied as she filed her nails. But the only answer she recieved was stunned silence as the girls stared at Panty as if she'd lost her mind. Even Medusa put her book down to join in the staring. After a few minutes, Panty grew irritated and asked. "Did I say something wrong or somethin'?"

"Could you run that by us again, cause it sounded like you said you were dating Pit. " Viridi finally said.

"Yeah I am. That a fucking problem?"

"You mean, brown hair?" Phosphora asked.

"Blue eyes?" Pandora chimed in.

"Looks like a kid?" Medusa asked.

"Acts like a dork?" Viridi asked.

"_That_ Pit?" The girls asked in unison.

"You know anyone else named Pit?" Panty asked.

Another round of silence filled the air before it was broken by uproarious laughter. Even stoic Medusa couldn't help but burst out into laughter. The thought of Pit dating someone, especially someone like _Panty_ was just too much to comprehend. Panty's eyes narrowed as she grew irritated again. "Did I miss a fucking joke or something?"'

"Pit's _dating_ someone? Must be a sign of the apocalypse." Medusa chuckled.

"So, you cheated on him Panty?" Viridi asked.

"No. You'd really think I'd do that to the guy?"

"Oh please Panty. Knowing you, you've probably got three guys on the side." Phopshora said.

"I won't deny it. But not this time."

"_Sure_... I give you a few weeks and you'll be wrapped around the arms of another guy." Viridi said. "Well I've gotta go. Cause I've got to ask Pit myself." And with that, Viridi disappeared in a flash of petals.

"Wait for me!" Phosphora said as she herself disappeared in a flash of lighning.

"Okay... what the fuck was that?" Panty said as she scratched her head.

* * *

Pit, Dark Pit, and some of the fighters in Light Vs Dark were at the park. Like the girls had their weekly outing, the boys had their weekly basketball game. Even Magnus joined in when his schedule allowed it. After playing for three hours, the boys stopped to take a break. "So, I heard Palutena set you up on a blind date." Dark Pit said with a chuckle.

"Wow, you do one thing in Skyworld and the rumor spreads like wildfire." Pit said. "So what's wrong with that?"

"_You_ dating. Nuff said." Dark Pit replied.

"This from the guy dating Phosphora." Pit retorted.

"Touche. So, can I ask who's the unlucky girl who has to put up with you?" Dark Pit asked.

"If you _must_ know, I'm dating someone named Panty Anarchy. Pit said. The answer he recieved was silence from everyone around him. The silence lasted for a few more moments before Dark Pit broke the silence with another question. "Wait. _Panty_ Anarchy? Blond hair, blue eyes, enough language to make a sailor blush? _That_ Panty Anarchy?"

"You know anyone else named after underwear?" Pit asked.

In response, Dark Pit did something completely unexpected. He and the boys burst out into laughter. Dark Pit in particular was practically rolling on the floor with tears rolling down his eyes. The laughter lasts for a few more moments before he finally regained control of himself. "Oh, Pit. I feel sorry for you."

"Okay, I've never heard you laugh like that before. It's disturbing. And what's so funny?"

"You're dating Panty Anarchy. That's not funny, that's hysterical." Dark Pit replied.

"So it's true!" A female voice shouted. The boys turned their heads to see Viridi and Phosphora walk toward them. "How'd you two get here?" Dark Pit asked.

"Scene cut." Viridi replied. "But that's not important. So, you're really dating Panty Anarchy?"

"Well, it was Lady Palutena who set up the date. There's something wrong?" Pit asked.

"Oh my God Pit. Or, oh my Me rather. I thought you had better taste than that." Viridi said as she facepalmed.

"And I thought Palutena had better sense than that." Dark Pit added.

"She's setting you up for heartbreak dude." One of the fighters said.

Pit eventually reached the end of his patience and shouted "Okay, there are five things I don't like: Reapers, Ornes, Eggplant Wizards, Tempura Wizards, and being locked out of the loop. And you guys are doing that. So what is so wrong with me dating Panty?!"

"I guess you never heard about her reputation." Viridi said

"What reputation?" Pit asked.

"Her reputation for sleeping around." Phosphora said.

"What?" Pit asked again, stunned by the revelation

"It's true. She even claimed to have fucked 100 men." Viridi replied. "You're just the latest in a long line of men she's slept with."

"Yeah, ask anyone in Skyworld and in the Overworld and they'll probably tell you they've met Panty in some way." One of the fighters said.

"You're probably just another notch on the bedpost to her." Dark Pit said. "And once she has your virginity, you'll be just another memory to her."

"Okay guys. Don't you think it's rude to spread rumors?" Pit finally said. "A bad reputation doesn't mean she's a bad person."

"And how do you know that?" Dark Pit asked.

"You're my 'dark side' but you're not a bad person are you?" Pit asked back.

"Only because you broke the Mirror of Truth before the process was complete." Dark Pit retorted.

"Details." Pit snapped. "The point I'm trying to make is just because someone _seems_ bad doesn't mean they _are_ bad."

"Oh Pit." Viridi sighed. "Ever the idealist yet dating the most promiscuous person in Skyworld."

"It's not about being an idealist." Pit began. "I just don't think it's right to judge someone based on repuation alone."

"Well, if you don't believe us, then ask her." Phosphora teased.

"Okay, I will." And with that, Pit walked away.

* * *

Panty was still sitting at the table. Pandora and Medusa had left eariler so she was just by herself. She was just about to leave until she saw Pit walking toward her. "Pit. You never call. You never write. I'm thinking somebody murdered you."

"Wishful thinking." Pit replied. "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"What?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I heard a rumor about you and I thought I'd ask about it."

"It's probably true." Panty said.

"So you're really... slept with 100 men?" Pit asked. He didn't like to curse.

"Yep." Panty replied quickly, and she didn't look ashamed of it either.

"But why?" Pit asked. He wasn't angry about it, just curious.

"Cause I just wanna fuck and have fun and not be tied down." Panty replied.

"But what's wrong with a relationship?" Pit asked.

"Relationships are time wasters. I mean, why spend all that time getting to know someone when you could just skip straight to the fucking? Besides, that's what most men want: Sex with no strings." Panty replied.

"I guess that's true. It would be fun to just have sex and leave it at that, but that's just half the fun. Relationships are about finding that special someone and being with them forever. I mean, what about when you get older? I'm sure you'll want someone to spend your golden years with. Besides I'm not that type of person."

"Oh _please." _Panty said as she walked closer to him. "I bet you be sporting some serious wood when you think about me."

"What does wood have to do with this?" Pit asked.

"You seriously don't know what that means?" Panty asked. Pit just continued to stare at her like a confused animal. "It means your dick gets big, dumbass."

"What?! Ew! It doesn't do that!" Pit protested with a blush spread across his face.

"Oh really?" Panty asked, fegining innocence. She then suddenly got on his lap with her hands wrapped around his neck and began grinding against him. "I bet when you're alone you jerk off thinking about what It'd be like to have that dick inside me, don't you?" she asked as she continued grinding agianst him.

"Panty, please! I'm not that type of person!" Pit protested again. Panty stopped grinding to stare at Pit. "You're such a fucking prude. Good thing you're so cute."

"I'm not a prude, Panty. I'm just not a pervert either." Pit replied.

"So, if I asked you to kiss me, would you?"

"Yeah." Pit said.

"Yeah right." Panty said.

"What, you don't think I would?" Pit asked.

"You're too much of a pussy." Panty replied with a dissmissive wave of her hand.

"I am not!"

"Oh, yeah? Prove it." The next thing Panty felt were Pit's hands gripping the side of her face and their lips crashing together in a deep kiss. Panty let out a moan, rarely one to hold anything back. The kiss lasts for a few more minutes before he finally breaks it off. "What do you think?" Pit said with a cocky smile.

"Wow... "Panty trailed off. "Congratulations, that was your first kiss." The statement caused Pit's eyes to widen to his hairline as he realized that Panty was right. He had just kissed a girl for the first time, and the stranger part? He actually _enjoyed_ it! All he could do was stare at Panty. "Pussycat got your tounge?" she asked. But she still didn't recieve an answer. "Well, when you find your voice, here's my adress if you ever wanna visit." She then slipped him a piece of paper and planted another kiss on his cheek before leaving.

Pit meanwhile continued to zone out before finally coming to his senses. "Okay Pitoo, you can come out now." he said. And as if on cue, Dark Pit, Viridi, and Phosphora appeared from the bush behind Pit. "How'd you know it was us.?" Viridi asked.

"First rule of Genre Savvy: _Stay_ Genre Savvy." Pit replied. "That and I could smell your perfume."

"So, how was the first kiss, Romeo?" Phosphora teased.

"It felt weird, but satisfying." Pit said as he walked away.

"See girls, this is what happens when you leave an angel to sort out his puberty issues." Dark Pit said.

* * *

**Whew! Longest chapter ever. Next one'll be up soon.**


	3. Ch 3: So What If We Get Drunk?

**Alrighty then! Here's the third chapter in which Pit tries his hand at drinking with hilarious results. Please read, review, and enjoy. **

After talking with Pit the other day, Dark Pit _had_ to talk with Palutena. He just couldn't see why she, in all her _infinite wisdom_, would set Pit up with someone like Panty. Not that he actually cared about what that idiot does. It's just that thanks to their "super secret twin connection", anything that happened to Pit, happened to him as well. So it was in his best intrest to keep Pit from doing something stupid. Finally reaching Palutena's quarters, he found the Goddess of Light doing her daily yoga sessions. It was her way of keeping in shape. "Palutena." Dark Pit called out.

"Pittoo, can this wait?" Palutena asked, slightly annoyed at the interruption. "You're harshing my mellow."

"No, it can"t" he replied. "And quit calling me Pittoo. It's really getting old."

"I dunno. I think it's starting to grow on you." Palutena said.

"News flash: It hasn't and it _won't. _But that's not the point. Did you really set Pit up with _Panty Anarchy_ of all people?" Dark Pit asked.

"Hmm... I _may_ have tried my hand at being Cupid. Why do you ask?" At that admission, Dark Pit's arms drooped down as he stared at Palutena with the biggest "What the hell?" expression one could make. He stayed silent for a full two minutes before he finally said, "Any chance I thought you had even _half_ a brain just went out the window. Can I just ask at what point did you think it was even a _remotely_ good idea to set your Captain of the Guard up with, bar none, _the biggest tramp in Skyworld?! _Don't you think that's... oh, what's the word I'm looking for? It's on the tip of my tounge. Oh yeah, **_completely stupid?!"_**

Palutena simply sat and listened to Dark Pit's rant, completely unfazed. She had grown used to the dark angel's fierce independent streak and tendency to speak his mind. Still keeping the smile on her face, she simply said, "Though this be madness, yet there is method in't. Quoth Polonius of _Hamlet._"

"Thanks for the poetry lesson, Lady Shakespeare." Dark Pit said with a deadpan tone and expression. "But you're not going to derail me that easily."

"You're no fun, you know that?" Palutena sighed. "Ok, yeah I set Pit up with Panty. But I had a good reason."

"I'm almost afraid to ask, but what?"

"I figured Pit needed to get out more and make some friends, so I thought Panty was a good choice to liven him up. I also thought that Pit would be the perfect one to bring Panty more down to earth."

"So you think Pit can help Panty not be much of a slut, and Panty can help Pit be a bit more outgoing." Dark Pit said.

"Exactly. A pretty ingenious plan if I do say so myself. Of course this was the author's idea too. After all this _is_ his fanfic." Palutena replied.

"Well you and the author need to get your heads examined." Dark Pit said.

"But I wanna know why do you care? This story's about Pit and Panty."

"You know Pit and I are connected. It's my job to keep that idiot from doing something that could get me killed as well."

"Oh _really?_" Palutena asked. "Or maybe it's deep down Mr. Lone Wolf has a soft spot for Pit."

In response, Dark Pit gave a flat, tonless laugh that dripped with sarcasm. "Hardly." He said as he turned to leave.

"Bye, Pittoo." Palutena said.

"Stop. Calling. Me. _Pittoo!_" Dark Pit shouted.

"Whatever you say... Kuro." Palutena replied with a smirk. Dark Pit let out a snarl before leaving. "I'm surrounded by idiots." He muttered.

* * *

"Panty." Stocking called out as Panty seemed to be in a trance. She had been strangely quiet since coming home. No cursing or anything. Stocking was Panty's younger sister, though one had to wonder how could these two be related at all. They were complete opposites in both appearance in personality. Annoyed at not recieving an answer, Stocking snapped her fingers several times in Panty's face. "Hey, slutsicle! You there?"

"Huh, what? What the fuck do you want?!" Panty answered, irate.

"I've been calling your name for the past twenty fucking times already. You hit your head or something?"

"No, why?"

"Cause I haven't heard anything from you since you got home."

"I've been distracted, okay?!" Panty snapped.

"Well, no shit sherlock. So what's on your mind?" Stocking asked.

"I've been thinking about this guy."

"Oh, God. Another guy Panty?" Stocking asked as she facepalmed. Knowing her sister, she's probably cheated on this guy already.

"Yeah it is. His name's Pit. He's an angel."

"That's what you say about every dude you fuck." Stocking replied.

"No, dumbass. He's a _real_ angel: Wings, laurel crown, the whole nine yards." Panty said.

"Okay... so you fucked him yet?" Stocking said.

"Not yet. But that's not the problem." Panty replied.

"So what's wrong?"

"Normally I would have fucked him and moved on or cheated on this guy, but I haven't. Something about him... attracts me. And not in the I-just-wanna-fuck-you way."

"Wait... so you're actually _commiting_ to the relationship?" Stocking asked. She then fell silent for a few minutes before breaking out into hysterical laughter. "What's so fucking funny?" Panty asked.

"The fact that your actually commiting to the relationship." Stocking replied. "God be praised! It's a fucking miracle! Now I wanna meet this guy."

"Wait, since when did you give a fuck about who I go out with?"

"I don't. But if this guy can put up with my raging slut storm of a sister _and_ make you even consider comitting to the relationship, he must be a hot piece of ass."

"Well, I invited him to come out to the bar. I'll let you judge for yourself." Panty said.

"Oh, I will."

* * *

Pit was at the local bar. Panty had invited him to have a drink with her here. Pit had arrived earlier but didn't order a drink as he wanted to wait for Panty. Pit wouldn't have to wait long as pretty soon Panty arrived with someone else. The girl with Panty had long blue and pink hair, blue eyes and was dresed in a black loita-like dress with a blue bow on its back. She also wore black and blue striped stockings. "Hey there cutie." Panty said.

"Hey Panty." Pit replied. "Who's this."

"Goth of the Year here is my sister, Stocking." Panty said.

"Enchante." Stocking replied.

"Uh, Come again?" Pit asked with a raised eyebrow.

"It's French for 'nice to meet you? Hello?"

"Oh, sorry." Pit replied sheepishly.

"Tch, my sister sure can pick em." Stocking said as she sat on the barstool.

"I don't think I made a good impression on your sister." Pit whispered to Panty.

"She acts like that to everyone. Don't take it personal." Panty replied. She and Pit then sat down next to Stocking. Panty then ordered their drinks: A glass of lemonade for Stocking, a martini for herself, and some beer for Pit. "I've never had beer before." Pit said.

"Well consider this an object lesson." Panty replied.

"So Pit," Stocking began, "Panty tells me you're some kind of solider?"

"Yep. Captain of Lady Palutena's Royal Guard." Pit replied proudly.

"So what's it like?" Stocking asked.

"It's great. I get to go around beating bad guys."

"But what about the other members of the Army?"

"That's where it gets weird. Lady Palutena has lots of centurions, but their all so weak that I'm practically the main muscle of her army."

"So basically, you're a literal one-man army." Stocking concluded. "Doesn't it ever get tiring?"

"Sometimes, but I wouldn't trade it for the world." Pit said.

"Here comes our drinks." Panty interrupted. And as if on cue, the bartender arrived with the martini, lemonade, and beer. Panty and Stocking immediately began drinking while Pit simply stared at the foamy beverage in his hand. "Down the hatch." he said softly before drinking it. Immediately, his eyes widened because gods that was bitter! He sat there with a mouthful of swig, unsure whether to swallow it or spit it out. He finally swallowed the drink with great difficulty.

Panty and Stocking broke out into laughter at the whole scene. "You've really never had beer before!"

"Are you trying to posion me?!" Pit shouted when he found his voice.

"Relax. Just drink it slower." Stocking said.

"Uh-Uh. I want something else to drink. Preferably something I can hold down." Pit said.

"Alright, you pussy." Panty replied. "Yo, bartender. Get him some apple cider." The bartender then took away the beer and replaced it with a glass of cider. "Try that."

Pit drank the cider. "It's not bad."

"I'm really curious about something." Panty said.

"What?" Stocking asked.

"Just how much it takes for an angel to get drunk."

"That'll never happen. I've got a cast iron stomach!" Pit proclaimed.

_**Five Hours and 25 Drinks Later...**_

"Way to go dumbass!" Stocking said as she and Panty stood over an unconscious Pit. Pit eventually had one drink too many and passed out, leaving Panty and Stocking with the dillemma of what to do with him now.

"It wasn't my fault he couldn't hold his liquor!" Panty protested.

"But you're the dipshit who thought it was a good idea to get him drunk, Fuckerella. _Now_ what are we going to tell Palutena?!" Stocking shouted.

"We're not going to tell her anything. Besides, she's a goddess so she probably already knows. So, we'll just take him back to our house. Now shut up and help me carry him to the jeep. I'll grab his legs"

"Of course. Because you'd really like him in between yours." Stocking retorted as she grabbed Pit by the arms. "Jesus! This guy's heavy!" It was difficult, but the sisters eventually loaded Pit onto the back of the jeep and headed home. "Okay, what now?" Panty said.

"His clothes stink. It's like he's been wearing them for the past three weeks. " Stocking said. "He can't go back to Palutena like that. His clothes need to be cleaned, but first we're going to have to undress him."

"I'll do it." Panty quickly said.

"Why not? You're probably undressing him with your eyes. Now you've got an excuse to get in his pants." Stocking said as she left.

"Fuck you." Panty retorted as she began removing hs clothes.

* * *

**Another chapter down, two more to go! Next one will be up soon. Oh and to those confused, the part about his clothes is a reference to his Angel Code of Conduct where he must always be prepared for duty.**


	4. Ch 4: Let's Talk Sex

**Okay. Here's chapter four where Pit gets an inpromptu lesson in the birds and the bees. Hope you enjoy it! Please read, review, and enjoy. **

A groan escaped Pit's lips as conciousness slowly returned to him. He had a splitting headache due to all the drinks he had last night. Of course, he couldn't really remember _what_ happened last night. His head was still foggy from the hangover. "Oh man." He muttered. "It feels like someone's pounding my head with Lord Dyntos's forge."

"Nice to see you're up, Sleeping Cutie." Panty's voice rang out, causing Pit to jump with a startled yelp. "What are you doing in my room?" Pit asked when he regained his composure. "You might wanna look again." Panty responded. Pit then took a few moments to look around and found that he wasn't in his room. "Where am I?" He asked.

"You're at my house." Panty replied. "You got drunk so we took you here."

"How many drinks I had?"

"About 26." Panty said. 'By the way, you look really cute without your clothes."

"Without my clothes...?" Pit asked. He then looked down to find that he was stripped down to his boxers. That caused the angel to let out a loud scream. "Did you _undress me?!_" Pit practically shrieked.

"Well duh. What the fuck were we supposed to do? Your clothes smelled like piss so we washed them for you." Panty said. Pit was just mortified, left completely speechless at the fact that a girl undressed him while he was asleep. But that brought an even _more_ horrifying thought. "Panty? We didn't...? you know...?"

Panty just laughed in response. "Don't worry, you pussy. I left your boxers on. I don't fuck unconscious guys. But it _was_ hard to resist the urge though. I really wanted to see how big the package was if you know what I mean." The statement caused a blush to spread across his face. "I need to take a shower." He said.

"What's the matter? Afraid I have cooties?" Panty teased.

"Panty..." Pit whined.

"Okay. Bathroom's down the hall. Try not to take too long. I take a shower every morning... Unless you want to take a shower with me."

"No thanks." Pit replied flatly as he walked down to the bathroom. As he walked to the bathroom, Panty just stared at him from behind. "_Dude's got a nicce ass_." She thought to herself. Once in the bathroom, Pit took off his boxers and got in the shower. As he stood in the shower, he couldn't help but think about his time with Panty. Sometimes, she drove him crazy with her sexual inuenndos and double enterdres. Though admittedly, he had started to grow fond of her. She was fun-loving and free-spirited. And she does teach him new things, which makes her almost like Lady Palutena in this regard. Is that why he felt so attracted to her?

Pit eventually finished taking his shower, but realized his clothes weren't there. "Panty?" Pit called out. "Where are my clothes?"

"They're still getting washed." Panty replied. "I left you some new ones though." Pit looked down to see a pink shirt with the words "Real Man" on it and some green shorts. "Panty. I can't be seen in pink!" Pit protested.

"Pink shirt or come out naked." Panty responded. She then paused for a second before adding, "Or better yet, why don't you come out naked?"

"You'd like that wouldn't you?" Pit muttered to himself as he reluctantly put on the clothes Panty left for him. Once done, he walked out the door to see Panty in front of him. "Not bad Pit." Panty said as she eyed him as if he was under inspection. Pit didn't say nothing in response, but simply frowned. "Oh cheer up. After all, it takes a real man to wear pink." She teased, pointing at the words on the shirt. She then walked into the bathroom, but not before giving Pit a playful smack on the butt. "Hey!" he shouted. But before he could react, Panty was already in the bathroom. Pit let out a frustrated growl before marching towards the kitchen. Once there, he got himself a bowl of cereal and sat down to eat. He also noticed Stocking eating... a cake?

"Don't you think it's a bit early for sweets?" Pit asked.

"Look asshole, you've got your breakfast andI got mine. Let's leave it at that, shall we?" Stocking replied as she bit down into her cake.

"Hey. I'm just saying that all those sweets are unhealthy."

"Nah." Stocking said dismissively. "Besides, all that fat goes to my breasts."

"TMI! I don't need to hear about your breasts!" Pit shouted.

"Jesus Christ. You really _are_ a fucking prude." Stocking snorted.

"I'm _not_ a prude!" Pit retorted. "I just don't see the appeal in sex is all."

"_DON'T SEE THE APPEAL IN SEX?! ARE YOU HIGH_?!" Panty's voice rang from behind, causing Pit to jump out of his seat. Once he landed, he turned to see Panty dressed in nothing but a pink towel. "What do you mean you don't see the appeal in sex?" Panty asked as she sat down.

"Exactly what I said. I mean, what's the big deal. Isn't sex just for... procreation?" Pit asked. He had some knowledge of sex thanks to Palutena.

"Well, yeah if you wanna get all scientific and shit. But its just fun for me." Panty said.

"This is where for once, I agree with my sister." Stocking added. "I'd rather be with someone I love, but I don't mind a good fuck once and awhile."

"After all, a party ain't a party without someone to fuck." Panty said.

"Damn straight." Stocking replied as she high-fived Panty.

"Sex? For fun?" Pit asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah. What? Never heard of it?" Panty asked.

"I always thought it was more of an obligation or something." Pit replied.

"Oh no no no! Sex is the best way for you and your partner to get together and it feels great! Just ask anyone you know and they'll tell you the same thing." Panty exclaimed. She then ran off and returned with three books in hand. "Read these and you'll get what I mean." Pit looked down at the books and recoilled. The young angel had never seen so many heaving bosoms and rippling muscles in his life. "Ugh! No thanks, not interested."

"Oh no. I insist. A guy like you obviously needs an education in sex, so you're going to take these books and read them all!" Panty said.

"Uh, no!" Pit protested. "I'm not having sex, so why should I read a whole library about it?"

"It ain't a library. it's just a few books, so quit being a pussy and read them!"

"_No!_" Pit said.

"Take the books or I'll show everyone a picture of you in your underwear." Panty said. Pit fell silent for a moment before he finally relented. "Pick out your favorite, but that's all I'll take." Panty picked one of the books and handed it to Pit. "_Ancient Whispers_?" he asked.

"It's about a sorcerer. It's _really_ sexy and a great aphrodisiac." Panty said.

"Of course it is." Pit said. "Well, I gotta go. Lady Palutena might wanna know where I am."

"Your clothes are dry if you want them." Panty said.

"Thanks. Well, see ya." Pit said as he left.

"You really wanna fuck this guy, do you?" Stocking asked Panty.

"Yeah." Panty replied. "He's kinda cute. That and I like making him squirm."

"Well good luck trying to get him to kiss you." Stocking replied.

"Oh I got him to kiss me. So I'm pretty sure I can get him to fuck me with the right persuasion." Panty said with a sly wink.

* * *

Pit was in his room reading the novel Panty gave him until he heard a knock on his door. He opened the door to find Dark Pit. "Where the hell have you been?" he asked. "I thought someone killed you."

"If someone had killed me, then you would've died too." Pit reminded him. Dark Pit said nothing, but noticed the book in Pit's hand. "I thought you didn't know how to read."

"Lady Palutena's been teaching me, and I've been trying to teach myself." Pit said.

"Huh. So, what are you reading?"

"You really don't wanna know." Pit said. Dark Pit had interrupted Pit at the moment he was about to read the first sex scene and he didn't want Dark Pit to find out what he was reading.

"Yes I do." Dark Pit said as yanked the book out of Pit's hand. "Pittoo wait!" Pit shouted, but it was too late. Dark Pit began skimming through the page, only for his eyes to widen when he was done. He then stared at Pit with an expression that asked when did the angel hit puberty. Pit meanwhile took the book out of Dark Pit's hand. "I told you so."

"Nice book." Dark Pit said flatly for lack of a better retort.

"Yeah." Pit replied. "Dark Pit? Can I ask you something?"

"You called me Dark Pit. This must be serious."

"Is sex really an important part of a relationship?" Pit asked. Dark Pit simply stared at his counterpart as if he'd lost his mind. "Pit... I'm not your type, and I don't swing that way."

"That's not what I meant!" Pit shouted. "I'm talking hypothetically."

"Hypothetically? I guess so. But why're you asking me?"

"Well I thought you would know a little something about it since you and Phosphora were dating." Pit said.

"That doesn't mean we're having sex." Dark Pit said. "You're going to have to ask someone else." And with that, the dark angel left the room as the conversation became too awkward for him.

"Oh, this is going to be a long day." Pit muttered to himself.

* * *

**Okay, another chapter down. Next one'll be up soon.**


	5. Ch 5: A Survey on Sex

**Okay, here's the fifth chapter. I hope you enjoy it. Please read, review, and enjoy.**

After an awkward conversation with Dark Pit that went nowhere, Pit decided to get his answers from Lady Palutena. Surely a goddess of her wisdom might have knowledge on this... rather touchy subject. Upon reaching Palutena's quarters, Pit politely knocked on the door. "Come in." Came the reply. Pit entered the door to find the Goddess of Light laying down. She was just about to take a nap when Pit entered the room. "Hey Pit." she said warmly.

"Hey Lady Palutena." Pit replied. "Can I ask you a weird question?"

"Can't be weirder than the other questions you've asked me before." Palutena said with a chuckle.

"Huh." Pit said. "Is sex really an important part of a relationship? And I'm not talking scientific stuff. Just pure romance."

"Pit." Palutena said as she stared at the angel with an amused smile. "What brought this on?"

"I was having a talk with Panty this morning and the topic just came up." Pit replied.

"Well..." Palutena trailed off as tried to come up with a good answer. "I'm sure it does make the relationship a lot sweeter. But that usually depends on the couple. Some couples do it after dating for awhile, others would rather wait until they get married."

"I see. Well thanks for the answer." Pit replied.

"Anytime." Palutena said. "By the way. Dark Pit was asking about you. I swear, that boy acts more like a Tsundere than Viridi."

"Yeah." Pit chuckled as he left the room.

* * *

So, Palutena couldn't give a straight answer. Pit wasn't deterred by this. He simply decided to get a more... _natural_ answer. And who better to deal with something as seemingly natural as sex than the Goddess of Nature herself. Arriving at Viridi's Sanctuary, Pit rang the doorbell. The door opened and out stepped Arlon the Serene. "Ah, young master Pit. To what brings you here?"

"Hey Arlon." Pit replied. "Is Viridi home?"

"Mistress Viridi and Commander Phosphora are in the middle of their daily spa session, but I'm sure they can take time from their busy schedule to see you. Just try not to demolish the Sancutary like you did my Lunar Sanctum." Arlon said as he walked back in.

"That was business." Pit retorted as he followed. During the trip, he saw Cragalanche performing his daily workout routine. Eventually, the two reached the spa room where Phosphora was busy washing Viridi's hair. The air in the room was electrified by Phosphora, good for the complexion. "Forgive the interruption, Mistress Viridi. But young master Pit wanted to see you." Arlon said as he took a low bow.

"Pit?" asked Viridi. "Alright send him in." Arlon then left as Pit entered the room. "Hey, Viridi. Hey, Phosphora" Pit greeted.

"Hey Pit." Viridi and Phosphora replied in unison. "If you've come for a hair washing, you'll have to wait your turn. Though I'm sure I can get one of my Bladers to give you a haircut." Viridi said.

"Maybe later." Pit said as he sat down near the hot spring. "Can I ask you girls something... odd?"

"From you? What _isn't_ odd?" Phosphora teased.

"Ha ha." Pit said flatly. He then took a deep breath before asking. "Is sex really an important part of a relationship?" The question was met with both stares and shocked silence from the two girls. "Where'd this come from?" Phosphora asked.

"I was having a talk with Panty this morning and the subject came up. So I thought I'd ask you about it." Pit said.

"Oh, I knew it was only a matter of time. She's tainted you already!" Viridi said.

"What are you talking about?" Pit asked.

"The only reason you're asking this question is because your thinking about having sex with her." Viridi said.

"_Say what?!_" Pit excalimed. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, _WHOA!_ I'm _not_ thinking about having sex with her! I'm just asking a question! Besides, we're not even that serious yet!"

"Yet?" Phosphora asked teasingly. That made Pit shut up as he realized that he may have said the wrong thing.

"Oh, Pit. That's how it starts!" Viridi began. "First comes the first date. Then as you start seeing each other more often, you start to like each other. Later come the first kiss. And from there it's only a matter of time before you're naked in bed with each other."

"It's true." Phosphora began. "Once the hormones start kicking in, there's no turning back."

"Exactly!" Viridi shouted. "So, what are you going to do when it gets that far?"

"Look, I'll cross that bridge when and _IF_ it gets there." Pit said, stressing the word if. "But we're not having sex right now. So quit being paranoid."

"Think about it, Pit." Viridi continued. "You'll end up having sex with her, and you may end up having kids! Little versions of you! You'll throw off the balance so much that Sakurai will have to make a sequal, _multiple_ sequals!"

Pit simply fell silent, not wanting to dignify that with a response. "And I'm out of here." He eventually said as he began to leave.

"Okay, don't listen to the nature goddess. Just don't come crying to me when she wants to take the relationship to the next level." Viridi said.

"My advice? Try not to throw up." Phosphora added as Pit walked out the door.

* * *

Okay, that conversation turned awkward pretty fast. But it also made Pit think that he was going at it the wrong way. Perhaps he would have better results approaching this from a human's perspective. Heading to a local bar, Pit approached Magnus and Gaol who were at their favorite table. "Hey, Magnus. Hey Gaol." Pit greeted.

"Angel face." Magnus said. "What brings you to this neck of the woods?"

"I thought I'd talk to you guys about something I think you can help with."

"What is it?" Gaol asked.

Pit paused for a bit before asking, "Is sex really an important part of a relationship?" Magnus and Gaol were clearly not expecting that question and the just stared at each other before turning their surprised gaze to Pit. "Whoa." Magnus said. "A bit personal don't you think?"

"Aren't you a little young to be asking that?" Gaol asked.

"I only look young. I'm 50 in angel years. But that's not the point." Pit said.

"Why are you even asking this?" Magnus asked.

"I'm dating some girl, and the topic came up during a conversation." came the answer.

"You're dating someone?" Magnus asked. "Well, look at that! Who knew he had it in him?!" He said with a laugh as he patted Pit on the back.

"Yeah." Pit replied sheepishly. "Well, what do you think?"

"Hmm..." Gaol began. "Well, sex does help strengthen the romance between you and your partner. Of course, Magnus and I have only just started dating so we're not experts on the subject. Sorry if that isn't the answer you wanted."

"It's okay. Thanks anyway." Pit said as he left.

* * *

After spending hours going around Skyworld and the Overworld asking people, Pit eventually fell asleep on a bench, physically exhausted. He had been asleep for an hour until he finally woke up. Once he did, he saw a face that he never wanted to see again standing over him: Hades, the Lord of the Underworld. "Hello Pitty." he said in his booming, echoing voice. Pit screamed and fell off the bench. "With your face, I dunno if I'm coming out of a nightmare or going into one!" Pit shouted back.

"You're too kind, Pitty Pat." Hades said as he laid on the bench.

"What do you want, Hades?" Pit asked with a bit of annoyance. Hades was the _last_ person he wanted to talk to.

"Oh, just to confirm the rumors." came the reply.

"What rumors?"

"The rumors about you and Pretty Little Panty, of course!" Hades said. "I heard you and her have been dating."

"Not that it's any of your buisness, but yes. Why do you care?"

"Come now Pitty. Anything that embarrasses you is entertainment for me. That and... I ship it."

"Ship what?"

"You and Panty, obviously! A straight and narrow soilder boy hooking up with the fast and loose bad girl? It's classic!" Hades said.

"Are you only here to mess with me?!" Pit asked, not bothering to hide the annoyance.

"Actually, no. I came to give you some advice." Hades replied.

"And why would _you_ give me advice?" Pit asked, obviously not beliveing him.

"Because the author asked me too. And no _Kid Icarus _fanfic is complete without yours truly."

"Right, you're just doing this out of the goodness of your heart." Pit replied with sarcasm dripping from his tone. "Alright then. Is sex really an important part of a relationship?"

"Hmm..." Hades began thinking on it. He then raised his finger and opened his mouth to speak, pausing for dramatic effect. "I really don't know." That caused Pit to facepalm in response. "I thought you were giving me advice!" Pit said.

"I am. And here it is." Hades then snapped his fingers and a Treasure Box appeared. "Consider it a gift from me to you to congratulate you on finding a girlfriend."

"How do I know it's not another Mimicute?" Pit asked with some skepticism.

"You don't" Hades replied. Pit gave an annoyed huff and finally opened the Treasure Box. At first it seemed there was nothing in it. But that's when he heard two different types of music: The 8-bit theme for the reapers and the ominous music that plays when an Orne is around. Pit turned around to find both an Orne and a Reaper chasing him. Pit screamed and ran for dear life. "Enjoy the presents, Pitty Pat!" Hades teased.

"You slimebag!" Pit shouted as he ran.

"Born and raised, Pitty Pat! Born and raised!" Hades said with a derisive laugh.

* * *

It took awhile, but Pit managed to outrun both the Orne and Reaper. He then went to the bar and got himself a drink. That's when he saw Panty walking up to him. "Hey, Pit." she greeted.

"Hey, Panty." Pit replied.

"Haven't seen you all day. I was starting to worry. What the fuck were you doing?"

"Oh, I just spent the entire day asking people about sex." Pit replied with some annoyance.

"Really? You seriously did that?" Panty asked with a snort.

"I was following _your_ advice." Pit retorted.

"Did you learn anything?"

"Not really. All I got was some headache." Pit said.

"Hmm." Panty trailed off as she began to think. "I've got a better solution. "

"Oh this'll be good." came the sarcastic reply.

"If you really want to learn about sex, then how bout I give you a... _hands-on_ lesson?"

"Hands-on?" Pit asked.

"Don't play dumb." Panty said. That's when Pit's eyes widened at the realization of that phrase. "B-B-B-But Panty! I-I-I've never... done anything like this before."

"First time for everything." Panty replied in a sing-song voice. "Besides, we've been dating for weeks now. And... I really like you."

Pit paused for a few moments. "Is it... awkward?"

"What? Sex? No! Trust me, Pit. You're with an expert. I'll show you one hell of a time! Why don't you just think about it?" She said with a wink. Then she left the bar and left Pit alone with his thoughts.

* * *

**That's one of the things I love about Kid Icarus: Uprising. No matter how evil some of the villains in the game are, you can't help but want to hang out and maybe have a few beers with them. Final chapter will be up soon!**


	6. Ch 6: Pit's First Time

**Alright! Here it is! the final chapter. I hope you all enjoy it! Please read, review, and enjoy.**

After his talk with Panty earlier, Pit immediately went home and laid in bed. But try as he might, he just couldn't get Panty's proposal out of his mind. Having _sex with her? _The very idea made him shudder. Sure, he had begun to grow fond of her, but he wasn't sure if he was ready to go that far in the relationship. It also made him think back to Viridi's warning. "_Guess you can say I told you so_." He thought to himself. His thoughts were then interrupted by a knock on the door. "Come in." he said. And in stepped Palutena. "Hey, Pit." she said.

"Hey, Lady Palutena." came Pit's less-than-enthusiastic reply.

"Is everything okay?" Palutena asked, concern in her voice.

"Not really." Pit said with a sigh. He knew he coudln't lie to her.

"Care to talk about it?"

"It's about Panty." Pit began. "She wants me to take the relationship to the next level and I don't think I'm ready. But I don't want to disappoint her either. What should I do?"

Palutena paused a bit, contemplating her response. "Here I thought you and her had broken up." She said. "Well... I say just go with what your heart says. So what does your heart say?"

Pit responded by placing a hand over his heart. "Well, my heart actually... wants to do this. If anything because I actually like Panty."

"Well what's stopping you?"

"It's just that, well, I feel that if I do I won't be the same person to you." Pit said.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I won't be the innocent angel that people see me as." Pit replied.

"Pit. That doesn't matter." Palutena began. "So you had sex with a girl. You're still the same person. It's your life, and no one can tell you how to live it."

"Except for you, of course." Pit interjected.

"Well yeah, I'm your Goddess. But that's besides the point. This is the reason I set you up on that date. I wanted you to get out more and spread your wings. Metaphorically speaking, of course. I mean, I can't keep you under my wing forever. You've been a great and faithful servant, but I really want you to have a chance to live your own life."

"Yeah, Pit. Don't be such a kid." A voice came from behind. Pit and Palutena turned to find Dark Pit standing in the doorway. "How long were you standing there?" Palutena asked.

"Long enough to see that Pitstain here's having a bit of a crisis." Dark Pit replied.

"Huh. That obvious, huh?" Pit asked.

"Pretty much. Look Pit, when are you gonna grow up. She's asking you to have sex with her. Big deal. It'll probably be the only chance you ever have. So I say just do it."

"That's it?" Pit asked. "No snark or insults?"

"I'm trying to give good advice. Don't ruin the moment." Dark Pit replied.

"Look Pit, we can't tell you what to do. All we can say is just think on it." And with that both Palutena and Dark Pit left the room, leaving Pit to his thoughts.

_**Three hours later...**_

After his conversation with Palutena and Dark Pit. Pit decided to go to Panty's house. The young angel was dressed in nothing but his muscle shirt, shorts, and laurel crown. He rang the doorbell and Panty answered. "Hey Pit."

"Hey Panty." he replied nervously. "I've thought about your offer... and I decided yeah."

"Great!" Panty exclaimed. "Trust me, big boy. You won't regret it. And you picked a good time too. Stocking's out of the house so it's just you and me. Now follow me." She said as she walked back into the house with Pit silently following her. Eventually the two reached her bedroom. "Now make yourself comfortable while I pretty up." She said as she walked to the bathroom, leaving Pit alone.

* * *

"_Well that was a long flashback_." He thought to himself. He had been here a good thirty minutes and already Pit was nervous. Here he was about to do something that earlier he'd never dreamed he'd be doing. He wouldn't have to wait long as Panty reentered the room, dressed in a red bra with matching panties. She walked towards the bed and sat next to Pit. "Ready to make some magic, Pit?" she said sulturily.

"As ready as I'll ever be." Pit said softly. "But you won't get mad if I want to stop, will you?"

"Oh no. this is _your_ night." Panty said as wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "And trust me, I intend to make it special." Pit was certainly a lucky angel. For Panty to actually _commit_ to the relationship was a genuine shock to both Stocking and Garterbelt. If it was Pit's first time, then she would make it truly memorable. "School's in session. And tonight's lesson is in pleasure. Now let's start by getting rid of those clothes. Trust me, you won't need them."

"Of course I won't." Pit mumbled as he began removing what little clothing he had until he was down to his boxers. "These too?" he asked, praying that she'd be merciful enough to at least let him keep his boxers on for now.

"Sure. Besides, I'd rather take this slow." Panty said as she crawled on top of him, gently pushing him onto the bed. "Now, relax." she purred as she slowly leaned in to kiss him. Nomally she'd like to just skip the foreplay and go straight to the fucking, but her experence with men taught her that it ws best to take it slow and steady when it came to virgins. That and taking it slow was kinda hot if the guy wasn't completely clueless.

Pit fell back onto the bed as Panty kissed him, her tounge entering his mouth to mess with his. That caused him to let out a soft moan in response. Reflexively, Pit began trailing his hands down her back but he refused to touch any... taboo areas unless given permission. Panty broke the kiss to begin nibbling the angel's ear before trailing kisses and nips down his neck and stopping to suck his collarbone. Meanwhile, her hand trailed down his stomach before reaching his boxers, where she began rubbing her and against his groin. She hoped the sensation of skin-on-skin would arouse him a bit. He looked like he needed some stress relief.

Pit's face lit up at the sudden sensation of Panty's hand in his boxers. Never had anyone touched him there before and it felt so strange, but he trusted Panty so he said nothing. Panty meanwhile stopped her actions to look at Pit. "Looks like we woke someone up." she giggled. Panty then slowly pulled Pit's boxers down, freeing his cock. "Hmm. Looks like your cock's standing at attention, soilder boy." Pit said nothing but blushed with embarrassment at his hardened cock. "You know, most boys I meet don't usually have one this big. Let's test how long it'll take you to come." She then leaned down to give the dickhead a long lick before slowly sucking on it. Pit groaned as Panty's lips wrapped around his cock.

Panty continued sucking away at his cock, sometimes stopping to lick it a few times. Pit clawed the bed as Panty continued her minstrations, feeling the pressure build in his cock. "Panty..." he groaned. It wouldn't be long before he ejaculated.

Panty could feel Pit getting closer to the edge and it made her smile. She took it as encouragement to suck his cock even faster. She wouldn't have to wait long because Pit eventually came, sending streams of cum into her mouth. Panty eventually pulled her mouth off of his cock and licked her lips. "Not bad, Pit. Quite a load you blew." Pit said nothing, but blushed at the realization that he came for the first time. "Panty. I'm sorry. I couldn't help it." Pit said.

"Relax, cutie. It's all a natural part of sex." Panty assured him. "But since I tasted you, I think it's only fair you get to taste me." She then began to slowly and sultruily remove her undergarments. "Like what you see?" Panty teased. Pit tried not to stare as Panty removed her clothing, but found it nearly impossible to look away. And with his pants down, it was hard to hide his _nonverbal_ appreciation at her nudity. Panty then crawled back on top of him. "I saw you trying not to stare." She said huskily. "Come on, baby. Play with my tits. I know you want to."

Pit mentally cursed his submissive personality as his hands reached for Panty's breasts, gently massaging and carressing them. "Don't be shy, Pit." she said.

"But what else can I do with them?" he asked.

"A lot of things. You can lick them, suck them, squeeze them, and even fuck them if you want. Just go ahead and explore. I _love_ when guys play with my tits."

Pit simply stared a bit before he began to lick Panty's nipples. "Mmmm." Panty moaned, rarely one to hold back anything. "Not bad." she said as she began stroking the back of Pit's head. Pit, in response, began to lick a bit faster, occasionally suckiing on her hardening nipples. This caused Panty to moan a bit louder. After being subjected to this treatment for a while, Panty pushed Pit onto the bed again. "You're pretty good. But let's see if you can lick something more... taboo." Panty then crawled up top, giving Pit a full view of her exposed sex. "Go ahead and take a lick." she said.

Pit just stared at Panty as if she'd lost her mind. "Are you sure?" he asked for lack of a better response.

"What? I got in between your legs." Panty said. Pit gave a defeated sigh before he slowly brushed his tounge against her sex. Panty moaned a bit as Pit continued licking. "Oh, yeah." She said. 'That's it, baby. Make me cream." Pit began licking a bit faster. If she wanted him to make her come, then he'd oblige her. Panty began moaning louder in response to his licks. "That's it, Pit! Don't stop!" she shouted. It wouldn't be long before she came. Pit simply continued to lick faster, massaging the inside of her thigh for added pleasure. Panty eventually came, screaming her pleasure to the world. She then fell down on top of Pit. "I think we're ready for the main event." she said. Panty then got on top of Pit's cock, pressing the head against her sex. "Ready?'

"I suppose." Pit responded. Panty then impaled herself on his cock. "Whew!" She exclaimed. "Never had such a big one before! So how does it feel to have your dick inside me?"

"It feels... warm inside you." Pit replied.

"Well it's about to get warmer. Here we go!" Panty said as she began to bounce on Pit like a trampoline. "You won't even _think_ about another woman when I'm done with you!" She shouted. Pit grabbed on to Panty's hips as she continued bouncing on him. His hips reflexively moved by themselves. "Oh yes! Oh yes!" She shouted as pleasure clouded her senses. "That's it, Pit! Make me cum! Make me see sparks! _Oh fuck!_" It had been a while since she had a good fuck and this felt great. It lasted for a while, but eventually they both came. Pit fell back on the bed and Panty fell back on top of him.

"Panty?" Pit asked.

"Yeah?" Panty asked back.

"How did... I do?" Pit asked between breaths.

"You definitely got an A plus." Panty responded. "I guess I made a man out of you, Kid Icarus. But I got a question."

"Huh?"

"That stuff you said the other day about my rep. Why do you care?"

"Because, I think there's more to you than just a well-oiled sex machine." Pit began. "Don't get me wrong. I'll admit that it was fun. But that's not the reason I like you. I like you because you're fun-loving and spirited. I'm not telling you how to live your life. I'm just saying that you're better than what you or most people think about you."

Panty simply fell silent. Nearly all the men she met just wanted sex. She had never met someone who could like her for more than just sex. She really had no way to answer that. "I've... never really had a real boyfriend before." She said softly, though still audible enough to hear.

"Well you do now. If you want that is." Pit said with a small smile. Panty returned his smile with a genuine one of her own, as if showing Pit her true inner beauty. "Sure." She said as she kissed him again. "Goodnight, Pit." she said as she fell asleep.

"Goodnight, Panty." Pit replied as he joined her in slumber, the two angels wrapped in each others arms and affections.

* * *

The next morning, Pit returned to Palutena's temple and found Dark Pit in the kitchen. "Hey Pittoo."

"Hey." came the reply. "So you went through with it, huh?"

"Yeah." Pit said. "So aren't you going to ask me how was it? Or make some snappy remark?"

"I don't have to actually." Dark Pit replied.

"Why's that?"

"I've been learning how far our 'Super Secret Twin Connection' goes with some, ah, _interesting_ results." Dark Pit said.

"Interesting?" Pit didn't really like the sound of that.

"While you and Panty were bumping bodies, I was about to fall asleep. When I opened my eyes, I saw Panty on top of me. Or at least I thought I did."

"So, you saw _everything we did?!_" Pit shrieked, his face red with shame and embarrassment.

"Not everything. I managed to cut the connection before it got too graphic." Dark Pit said.

"...Sorry." Pit said.

"You and me both." Dark Pit replied.

_**The End**_

* * *

**Well, so ends my tale. I hope you've enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I encourage you to leave a review. Reviews help me improve, and I like hearing your feedback on it. Till we meet again.**


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